i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
