all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles