i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes