Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.