She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
