Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
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I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
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Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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