My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
