im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
