Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt