that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist