They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We just shotgunned beers for America
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
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some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
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Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!