dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.