Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice