Your face is a jimmy john
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.