let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
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he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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