The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
