Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?