i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.