hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
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When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
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If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.