the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia