whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.