that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
