Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
