Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
What a dumb baby whore.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
