I think im going to throw up on grandma
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
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Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
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I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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