i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
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We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.