I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?