please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?