Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie