I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.