But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
People in love make me want to vomit
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
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I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
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I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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