My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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