I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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