There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
