oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
