if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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