its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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