Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
