Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
