oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
