can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize