I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize