he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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