he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He passed out mid-signature
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the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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