She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
