in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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