So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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