Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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