this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
