I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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