I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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