I need help removing her.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
