hotel room ftw
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
