You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so that wasnt chicken after all
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
