best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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