The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My cat gives me a boner
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize