the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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