We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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