her vagine was all disorganized.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
