The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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