saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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