I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
