she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?