i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
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Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
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He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.