I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
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I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
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Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.