some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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